28 Things Your Partner Should Never Say To You (Like Never, Never) (2023)

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28 Things Your Partner Should Never Say To You (Like Never, Never) (1)

ThroughEmma Singer

Released February 4, 2022

28 Things Your Partner Should Never Say To You (Like Never, Never) (2)

(Video) To protect her, he said something he would never say before💥 | Love Like The Galaxy

You are already informedthe things to say to your everything every day, Plusthe magic words that can dispel just about any argument. But what about the things your partner should have?oh nosay to you Read through our list of bugs and aggressions below and you won't have to waste time scrolling through AITARelationship threads on Redditagain.

1. "You're crazy!"

This is an example of the disdain that relationship professionals atGottmann InstitutDub one of the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse. (In other words, it's a guaranteed relationship destroyer). Contempt is best described as words or behavior that “disrespect, mock… [or] ridicule.” According to experts, this type of negative communication is more extreme than run-of-the-mill criticism because it tends to attack a person's character — not just their behavior — and is used as a means to establish "a position of moral superiority." It's also an example of blocking or redirecting, a key sign of itGaslighting in a relationship. If you think this sounds toxic, you're right.

2. "What's the matter with you?"

Yep, submit these under contempt.

3. "You never do [insert specific complaint]."

Do not brush this off as an expression of the heat of the moment of despair. Your partner may not realize the damage being done by this careless overdoing, but chances are you do.Chanel Dokun, a certified New York City plannertrained in marriage and family counseling, tells us that "never" is one of two words that you should never say in an argument with your partner -- namely, because it conveys disapproval and a lack of appreciation for the other person's efforts. Not to mention it isprobablynot even true (because you do the dishes occasionally, don't you?)

4. "Oh yeah? Do you remember the time you...?"

Arming old (or not-so-old) history is never a constructive thing to do during a disagreement, he sayslicensed psychologist Dr. Bethany Cook"If one person brings up past mistakes or the other person's vulnerabilities during a 'new fight,' it only muddies the water and soon you're not sure what the point is." Cook adds that it's okay to address patterns of behavior that bother you, but only when things are calm and neither party is upset or triggered.

5. "Stop being so needy."

The wording of this one places it in the category of criticism — a form of communication which, according to the Gottman Institute, differs from criticism and complaint in that “the latter two relate to specific issues, while the former is an ad hominem attack .” In other words, criticism often sounds more situation-specific and reserved than full-bodied contempt, but still targets your character.

6. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

A highly offensive and derogatory phrase like that is just another example of—you guessed it—contempt.

7. "After what happened last time, maybe I should be the one choosing the restaurant tonight..."

There are endless variations on the above phrase, and they're all pretty easy to spot as they probably feel like a dig at the moment. The reason? This is another example of rubbing someone's face over a past mistake — and it can be just as hurtful when done casually as it is in the heat of an argument, especially if it happens repeatedly. "Think of these comments like layers of dirt," says Dr. Cook. "One or two will hurt the other person's life, but not hinder it, but several shifts and people will get sick of it."

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8. "Grow up!"

Remember what the Gottman Institute said about contempt being a character attack used to assert moral superiority? This fits the bill.

9. "This is probably why your ex left you."

Another important rule of healthy partnerships (and common decency) is not to rub salt in anyone's wounds. Emotional intimacy is an important part of a relationship, so you've probably made yourself vulnerable by sharing insecurities, worries, or maybe even past trauma with your partner. If your partner weapons any of this privileged information, it is a very bad sign. by Dr. Cook: "Never, ever, under any circumstances do you have the right to shut up and throw salt at your partner just because you're hurt. Once a person has shown you their battle wounds and you intentionally hurt them more, it's hard to regain that level of trust.” Amen.

10. "You complete me."

you might thinkoh, that's so cute!But check yourself — the script of a positive real-life relationship shouldn't read like a scenelove actually. This kind of sweeping romantic statement is more of a red flag than anything else, as it conveys an unhealthy understanding of love and the potential for codependency.

11. "That's it — I'm done!"

Do you or your partner have a habit of pulling a fake up (i.e., faking a breakup) during an argument? dr Cook describes this behavior as "writing checks you can't cash" and explains that it's often damaging to both parties. "If you constantly threaten to leave but don't, you lose yourself and the relationship. Not only do empty threats add cracks to the foundation of your relationship, but they can also lead to negative feelings about yourself and contribute to cognitive dissonance.”

12. "Try not to make me wait 20 minutes this time."

See entry numbers four and seven.

13. "I don't have time for this."

Which brings us to Gottman's fourth horseman: Walls. Every time "the listener withdraws from the interaction, switches off, and just stops responding to their partner," it stonewalls — but that doesn't mean the offending party is completely mute. Stonewalling can also refer to phrases aimed at ending and ending the conversation. However, the experts at the Gottman Institute point out that stonewalling is sometimes a defensive behavioral response to perceived contempt — so if you do encounter this, it may be wise to think about how you come across and give your SO some space before you do try to tackle the problem again. If you communicate respectfully and the blocking persists, you have a problem.

14. "I can't stand you."

Another example of contempt which, if you need a reminder, is a surefire way to hurt your partner and destroy your relationship. In fact, one of the biggest predictors of divorce isafter Dr. John Gottman. "When we communicate in that state, we're really mean," says the relationship expert.

15. "You really need to work on being more organized. Didn't that make you lose your last job?"

This is where the first horseman (i.e., criticism) meets salt in the wound...and you don't need a chemistry degree to know that this combination spells bad news for a relationship.

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16. "I wish you were more like [insert name of person here]."

More wisdom from Dr. Cook: Kill comparisons. According to the expert, it doesn't matter who your partner compares you to, as the problem lies in the fact that "comparisons imprecisely measure value and imply that one is better than the other."

17. "You make a big deal out of nothing."

Well then let's just drop it I guess.No - you will be blocked.

18. "[Boyfriend's name] looked really hot tonight."

Unless both you and your partner are fully on board with such things, it can be seen as an implicit comparison... and a more hurtful one at that.

19. "With you, it's just one thing at a time."

A searing combination of contempt and stone walls, this phrase does a double duty by a) implying that something is wrong with you when you express your needs, and b) ending any subsequent conversation about those needs.

20. "[Radio Silence"]

Remember what the Gottman Institute said about walls? Well, here it is in its purest and most recognizable form, friends.

21. "You've always been like this."

You've been on the edge of your seat, wondering what the second forbidden word is (that is, in life planner Chanel Dokun's book). Spoilers: It's "always". Because just like the word "never", this has a dismissive and hurtful effect.

22. "Next time you do that, I'm done."

It's a scary threat designed to make you comply with your SO's request or listen to their complaint. But threats and ultimatums aren't the best way to communicate about problems — and when this technique is used regularly without enforcement, it's safe to say that your partner is (again) writing checks they can't cash, to the detriment of the Relationship.

23. "You're not the same person you were when I met you."

Is something wrong with you? Are you unlovable? Statements like these are a perfect example of contempt, as they point to what the Gottman Institute describes as "long-lasting feelings of negativity toward the other partner." It's also important to remember that it's completely normal for people and relationships to evolve. A caring partner will allow that change (provided, of course, that it's the good kind of change—when someone changes in a way that causes emotional or physical harm, that's a big red flag) and find ways to understand and Ways to learn to deal with differences.

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24. "Don't be so touchy."

Sensitivity is a positive trait, so the real problem here is your partner letting you know that caring about your feelings is secondary to them. Submit them in disregard.

25. "That's just me."

This kind of inflexibility in a partnership is a very bold way of saying that if you want harmony, the responsibility is yours. It's also a creative way of bricking, as it effectively puts an end to any conversation that revolves around healthy give and take.

26. "I work my ass off... what do you do all day anyway?"

Or another equivalent expression that equates value with money. according to dr Cook, "The amount of money you bring into a relationship should not affect the balance of power and worth of any member of the couple." As such, no one should hear such things from a partner, as such statements "inherently devalue a person while they... falsely inflating the position of the others within the pair". (See you, stay-at-home parents.)

27. "Why don't you ask [friend's name] how she lost baby weight?"

Another hurtful comparison, probably intended to highlight a sore point or insecurity.

28. "Oh I see you didn't get a chance to vacuum today...hmm dinner is nice but it needs more salt...when was the last time you took a shower?"

Have you ever heard of it?the ratio 5:1? Here's how it works: According to relationship experts, for every negative interaction during conflict, a happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions. So yes, the above statements may all be true, but if you don't pepper any loving or fun interactions in between, then your relationship could quickly be entering divorce territory.

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